Georgia and Beyond!

Tom hates driving thru Georgia. I hate driving thru Georgia. Aside from the fact that every time we have been on I-75 in Georgia, we have ended up in a hours long traffic jam, the mere mention that I will be a stone's throw away from my younger brother sends my mom's guilt factory into overdrive. I love my brother, I do. But my brother is a severe alcoholic, and chronic redneck. The only time I hear from him is at Christmas when I receive a drunken phone call wishing me a "Happy Jesus's Birthday." Fortunately, we have severe time constraints, the Chilluns and the rental car, so Mom at least pretends to understand. But, no 20 miles into Georgia, we find ourselves in a what? You guessed it! A traffic jam.

We'd like to be angry, but since we pretty much expected it, we just laugh the laugh of the carefree, or the deranged, I am not sure. Our destination for our overnight stay is the Motel 6 in Cartersville Jaw-jah. Frugalla, the tiny Jewish woman who lives inside me, is ecstatic because I have a coupon for a free night's stay! I am not expecting much since the last M6 I stayed at was such a rat hole, that I got the free coupon to assuage me. It came with a really nice letter of apology and everything! We get to the Cartersville M6 about 6-ish. My mind keeps thinking about the sitcom Carter Country. "Handle it Roy, Handle it! Handle it!"

The outside of the motel looks nice enough.


The manager Brenda, is working since "everbuddy" called off because the snow was "a-comin." Her big hair, and sheer Loh-retta Lynn style made me warm to her immediately. That and the fact she kept calling me Ma'am even after seeing my ID.

That reminds me a joke. This Georgia Highway Patrolmen stops a pickup speeding across the Tenn/Ga border. As he walks up to the driver's side, he asks the Hillbilly

"You got any ID?"

the Hillbilly replies "Bout whut?"

If you say it out loud in your best redneck accent, it is really funny...I swear!

We get to the room which is nice and clean btw, and release the Chilluns. They take up their normal motel positions. Toodles hides under the bed, Tigoofy runs around crying for food to calm his frayed nerves, and Opie sprawls across the bed and tries to order room service.

I was too tired to eat anything substantial, which is good because the only actual restarant is already closed and the 24 hour McDonalds is all that's left. We both take a LOVELY hot bath and fall asleep by 8.
We woke at 4 am and were so excited to get on the road. We fed the Chilluns, showered, clean the Chilluns' toilette and packed up. Tom said there was no way he was entering the state of Florida in long pants so we both donned shorts and tees and he dashed outside to get the car. We were greeted with the following scenes. Of course it was much darker when we left the hotel.

So we drove slowly into the dark morning, keeping an eye out for black ice and listening to weather reports for Atlanta. There was a 21 car pile up on the interstate. The bad news was the 21 car pile p on the interstate. The good news was it was Not on I-75 South. Despite all ice, sludge, and snow. we made it past Atlanta in good time and by noon we saw the Promised Land!

Tennessee Anyone? Anyone?

I really have nothing to say about Tennessee. We weren't in it long enough. The snowstorm was right behind us all the way. If we stopped for food. The snow would start falling. If we stopped to pee, the snow would start falling. It was annoying! The cats had finally quieted to an occasional complaint. I talked my head off trying to keep Tom entertained. We went thru a Burger King drive-thru in Chattanooga. The boy that was at the window was just a banjo away from a starring role in Deliverance II. I asked about how far we had to go to hit and got this response:
"Yer pertnear perty close!"
That about sums up Tennessee.

Picture it...

January 7th 2010, Newport Ky

It was cold morning in the tiny hamlet. An aging Diva packs the final box for the trek to warmer climes. Her erstwhile companion has gone to get the deluxe chariot they have rented for themselves and the 3 Chilluns. The sound of Heart, Barracuda, fills the empty apartment. Seems the rental company does not have the size car we reserved. The Diva says take what they have. A snowstorm is on the horizon and she is eager to be gone. When the erstwhile Companion returns, he is seated in a pretty, red, Ford...FOCUS? How the Frik am I s'posed to fit my life, your life and 3 freakin' yowling cats in a Freakin' FORD FOCUS!? But we managed after leaving several boxes for the neighbors to fight over. And off we went into the snowy morning.

I'd like to say that everything after that went as planned. But then, it would not be my life! The snows stalked us all the way past Lexington. The cats yowled all the way past Willaimsburg. By the time we reached the Tennessee border we were frazzled. But that's a story for a different day!